jueves 27 de junio de 2002 11:40:00 AM
this blog & the whole site is going down the drain. sheesh. screwball version 3 will be up anytime soon this coming july. watch out for it! oh, & this song is just oh so nice... *sigh* Ü
Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you
I'm not alone, tell me you feel it too
And I would run away
I would run away, yeah..., yeah
I would run away
I would run away with you
Cause I am falling in love with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you
Close the door, lay down upon the floor
And by candlelight, make love to me through the night
(through the night, through the night...)
Cause I have run away
I have run away, yeah..., yeah
I have run away, run away
I have run away with you
Cause I am falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...
With you...
And I would run away
I would run away, yeah..., yeah
I would run away (runaway)
I would run away with you
Cause I am falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...
Falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop falling in love with you
With you, my love, with you...
na ni na ni na na...
(With you, with you, with you, with you)
(Fade out)
~ the corrs. runaway. Ü
school's going fine & all that. my family's well. love is still confusing but going somewhere, i think. Ü there won't be much updates for a while but i will still be around to just check up on people -- signing guestbooks, sending emails... stuff like that. Ü here's a little sneak peek on what's to come for screwball version 3: the color theme will be something pinkish or purplish. Ü there will be more pictures & content because i won't keep a blog anymore, just an update page or something simple. Ü
martes 25 de junio de 2002 2:55:00 PM
i'm pissed with my mom & dad because there's total discrimination among us, the kids. of course, they favor my brother the most. he's the first born & the only boy. jeez! what do you expect? we live in a patriarchal society for crying out loud! i also hate the way they refer to me as "bokya" & to my older sister as "wild". i was telling chap this last night...
[ alla ] alam mo, may discrimination dito.
[ chap ] what do you mean?
[ alla ] ayaw nila sa akin dito, pangit daw ako.
[ chap ] okay ka lang? kaw kaya pinaka-pretty.
i need to get out of this house! i really need to just get away from all this. sure, my parents love me a lot & to a degree that is actually beyond compare but now, i think i'm being stepped on already as a person. i don't think they will ever learn to see me as an actual person & not just as their child. i think that as i mature & create my own views, they should also mature as parents & understand that. i can never be them just as they can never be me. my parents will always be my parents & i respect that. i am grateful to them for everything but i just can't take it that i give them so much respect but they never give me any. it's like i'm not allowed to have a different view because they will always be right. hello?! if they wanted it so much to be that way then they should've just locked me up inside a box. grr. oh by the way, i don't want to get out of this house just because of the whole chap-issue thing, the whole i-want-to-get-away-from-here-thingie has been on my mind for months already. i even have this piggy bank that i donate 10-20 pesos a day to for my "going away" money. as soon as i graduate college, i'm getting out of this house & will just visit every weekend.
i hate discrimination. it's so fucked up.
sábado 22 de junio de 2002 1:32:00 PM
last night with chap was wonderful. at first, i was angry at him because he was going to cancel out on me & have this drinking spree with his male buddies. erk. =/ i felt really sad (that was around 8pm) & i bitched to all of my friends how i never wanted to see chap again. i cried & felt like shit. my eyes were swollen as i lay down in bed, just staring at the empty ceiling. i wanted to close my eyes & sleep to end the night & just wake up the next morning. maybe then the pain would've withered away. of course, i couldn't sleep. my eyes just stayed wide open as the tears trickled down the side of my face.
the phone rang at around 9pm & as startled as i was, i picked it up.
[ alla ] hello?
[ chap ] baby, i'm going there na.
[ alla ] huh? uh, okay.
& we hung up.
chap arrived 10 minutes after the call. i opened the gate of my house & let him in. the first thing he did was hug me. i hugged him back. after a few seconds, we let go & i closed the gate. we went inside the house as i held his hand tightly. then we just stood there, face to face, & he hugged me again. i never wanted the moment to end. we just talked as we sat down on the couch & he explained that his friends were still at his house but he just had to see me so he left them there. he stayed for half an hour, i think. we talked & i let him borrow the star wars vcds he's been craving for. i gave him a kiss before he left.
when chap left, i went back up to my room but this time with a smile on my face. sure, we didn't talk about "us" & all the things i longed to tell him were stupidly forgotten but just the mere fact of being so close to him enveloped me in a bubble of happiness. he called me up as soon as he got home. it was a short conversation & i don't particularly remember what we talked about anymore. when we hung up, i thought that my night was finally complete & that i could finally have a peaceful sleep.
i woke up at around 12 midnight when the phone rang. i picked it up & said hello in the most annoyed tone i could make. it was chap. he was going to go to my house & i couldn't object anymore. we hung up & i dragged my ass out of my bed. i washed my face & waited for him by the front door. i sent him a text message not to use the doorbell anymore for fear of the entire household waking up. he was obedient & i let him in.
this time, we talked... & we kissed... & we talked. Ü he left at around 1:15 when my parents arrived. he got really nervous when he saw my mom & dad. i told him not to worry & that my parents will appreciate the fact that i stayed home instead of going out in a bar until 4am. still, he left 10 minutes after he said "good evening po..." Ü
chap called me up the moment he got home. Ü we talked until 2 in the morning. it was about everything. although we didn't really get to saying our "i love you-s", we got to talk about the way things were. it's really hard to explain here & i guess i'd like to just keep it to myself this time. Ü oh, here's a kilig line he said that i remember clearly. Ü
[ chap ] God is good... & now here you are. It's like hulog ka ng langit sa akin.
i might see chap again tonight but that's really uncertain. i'm glad i know him better now. although we're not yet bf-gf, i'm just happy to have him & i know that i want to be with him. Ü i'm happy. Ü
viernes 21 de junio de 2002 2:13:00 PM
Ü chap's coming over later. last night, the worst thing happened... i almost gave up on him. i suddenly grew tired of the usual "i miss you" that came from him. why? maybe i just really wanted to hear the 3 magical words from him to wash my insecurities away. yes, what you're reading is right. after all the sweet, "kilig", & romantic moments, he still hasn't uttered "i love you" for me. it hit me last night that i couldn't wait forever & i know i wouldn't so i made "drama". i sent him a text message that sort of explained what i was feeling. he called my celly afterwards. i didn't answer. the missed calls piled up until there were 8 all in all. finally, i decided to call him at home.
[ chap ] hello?
[ alla ] hello. chap please.
[ chap ] alla, galit ka ba s'ken?
[ alla ] no. i'm just sad.
[ chap ] mas sad kaya ako.
we talked for a bit & he wanted to go to my house to see me. i was so tired yesterday that i declined. (i had class from 7am to 530pm) we then decided to meet up tomorrow (which is actually today). so, he's coming over tonight. i don't know what's going to happen but i'm hoping for the best. if we're really meant to be then things are bound to work out. if not then at least we're going to have some closure on whatever it is that transpired between us.
so for now, i remain happy. i'm glad chap's coming over later & i'm glad i didn't give up on him last night. Ü
via sms... [ alla ] if i was to write a song about you, there would be no words.. only a soft melody. for even in the humming of something unknown, my love for you still exists. good morning baby.
a few minutes later...
*celly rings*
[ alla ] yes?
[ chap ] was that original?
[ alla ] yea, benta ba?
[ chap ] oo. galing mo talaga baby.
[ alla ] ows?
[ chap ] uh-huh. i miss you.
oh, i almost forgot... i also had lunch with my guy friend mike yesterday. chap was like, "selos ako." hahaha. hmmm... maybe he really does love me. i guess all i can do for now is to wait for tonight & hope for the best. Ü i really want this to work... i'll do my best to make it work. Ü
martes 18 de junio de 2002 1:41:00 PM
Ü i just changed the random text message part there, lookie right --> anyway, school is hella tiring, i swear! it's all good though. Ü hmm, i miss chap. Ü
lunes 17 de junio de 2002 7:46:00 PM
Ü he was just 2 hours late! okay, i know i said that i would give "us" (chap & i) a break if i don't see him by 12 midnight last night. well, guess what? he was just 2 hours late! he went here around 2 am this morning. Ü OMG! i was already sleeping & suddenly my celly rang. i woke up & it was him. he said he was already on his way to my house. he just had to see me. *sigh* is that a total sign or what? i mean, i'm pretty sure he doesn't know about my site or my blog & i didn't really tell any of our common friends my plan to ditch him if i don't see him over the weekend. sheesh! it must be destiny working for us! he just really wanted to see me. Ü we spent an hour together in the sofa just talking & (*me giggles*) kissing. it was wonderful. he would just put his arm around me & whisper sweet words into my ear. Ü
when he left, via sms... Ü
[ chap ] just got home. shit. i still want to be with you.
[ alla ] the night wind blows silently with the stars just as still, witnesses to a heart falling... stupid as a fool, hopelessly in love. goodnight baby.
[ chap ] why?
[ alla ] huh? why what?
[ chap ] why?... why are you making me feel this way? goodnight baby.
before he left the house around 3 am, i brought him to the gate & he said "hug?". awww... Ü we hugged so tightly that i wanted it so much to last forever. Ü then he said "can you still breathe?" & he hugged me tightly... & i do mean tightly! haha. Ü we let go of each other with a smile. Ü i also gave him my papa's day gift. he asked me what for & added that he wasn't a dad yet. i smiled & told him that he was pretty much the man of the house in his family. he smiled & thanked me lots with kisses. Ü i think he's coming over tonight to get the vcd he wants to borrow. Ü
i miss chap already. Ü i do. i do. i do-oooh! Ü i'm happy again. Ü
domingo 16 de junio de 2002 6:18:00 PM
love is so sad. :~(
happy papa's day. just went to mandaluyong a while ago to check out the condo unit we bought. after, i went with my sister to the mall to look for some earrings. i wasn't able to buy anything except for this plain black shirt. phoo. i miss chap. :~(
9:24:00 AM
STILL NO SIGN OF CHAP... if i don't see him by 12 midnight today then it's over for the two of us... well, not really over but i'm just going to give "us" a break. maybe he's not the guy for me & maybe we're just playing this silly game. i don't know. i'm sad. i miss him terribly.
viernes 14 de junio de 2002 3:58:00 PM
i felt so sad last night that i cried myself to sleep. everything's just so frustrating. i don't know where i stand in chap's life anymore. i'm caught in the middle of falling in love with him & getting him out of my life for good. i can't wait forever... & i won't. if i don't see him over the weekend then it's over for the two of us! hah! that'll show him not to take me for granted.
classes started yesterday & so far, so good (i guess). Ü some of my teachers didn't go to class since it was only the first day (typical u.p. attitude! pweh!). my schedule for the semester is pretty good. i've got classes from 7-5:30 (with an 11:30-1pm break) every monday & thursday. on the other hand, my tuesday & friday classes are only from 8:30-11:30am. Ü half day! whee. of course, i have the usual up-diliman-no-class on wednesday & saturday. Ü
i have this sudden urge to sleep. i wonder why... but i can't even begin to close my eyes because it is so damn hot! the weather's really crazy & irritating. i wish the rain would come.
jueves 13 de junio de 2002 6:11:00 PM
i miss chap & it just hurts so damn bad! lookie at his message: "it's been a while since we spent time together like before, when we would always laugh & have fun, but i can't forget those special moments i had with you. i just want you to know that i still smile everytime i think of you. nyt!" =~( huhuhu. what's wrong with him? what's that supposed to mean? =~( i miss him so damn much!
my bitch & i saw each other a while ago. fun... yes it was but it made me miss chap more. (hey bitch, i know you'll be reading this whenever, i'd love to see you again okay?)
i am so damn tired from the first day of school (today!) & i just want someone's arms around me when i lie down in bed later... *sigh*.
martes 11 de junio de 2002 7:03:00 AM
someone else is keeping me occupied while chap & i are still stuck in this crazy situation. it's weird actually. i've been spending my time with this "someone" a little too much. (hello to him! i know you're going to read this!) he's really fun to talk to & i'm his paranoid, sexy, pretty, english-speaking, up-educated, modern (blank). well, he's my bitch! hahaha. (hey bitch!) he's a really nice person (& i do mean nice), he's sweet, funny, & most of all, he's intelligent (well, i think he is). our conversations are never dull nor do we have to resort to the "so what do you want to talk about now?" kind of lines. Ü he makes me miss chap less. & he gives the corniest lines at night before i go to bed that i can't help but to smile. Ü he even sings for me. wow! Ü if you're thinking, this is another "love interest"... the answer is maybe. i haven't seen him yet & i think physical attraction is always essential (for both sides of course). if he thought i was hella ugly & wasn't his type then i can deal with that. Ü we can always be friends. (right bitch?) Ü
chap didn't call me, text me, see me yesterday. i don't know what is going on with him & frankly, it irks me to an infinite level that it makes me want to just ditch him & forget him. know the saying out of sight, out of mind? hmm... in my situation, it's not just out of sight actually... it's more of out of reach! jeez! often i just think that it was a mistake to have ever met him & i should just let him go. tell me though, how can i forget someone i'm almost in love with? maybe this isn't love after all... my thoughts are clouded now. i need to go. =`(
I act like I'm 17. This test was brought to you by Mel - She'll bite you ;o). Take it here.
i still have to go to school in a little while. i only have 2 subjects right now for the entire semester. great huh? sheesh. i still have to enlist in 4 subjects that's why i'm up early. i need to go to school early & be first in line. weh. whatever. fuck enrollment!
domingo 9 de junio de 2002 12:00:00 PM
i miss chap. =`( things aren't going well for the two of us. i just feel so left behind with everything that's going on in his life. uhm, anyway, i'm working on this site project whatever for me & my two best friends! watch out for it.
for chap:
i saw you and fell in love
you saw me and fell in love too
you and me, we fell in love with each other last night
i told you that i was concerned
you told me of your concerns too
yet and still we both decided to make love last night
baby, please tell me
where do we go from here my love?
what are we doing baby?
boy you gotta let me know
why can't we live the way we want?
i want the world to know
i just gotta let it show
what do we stand to lose?
If being together is what we choose
oh my love, i think we should talk about us
could this be a crazy dream?
and if so then you’re dreaming too
cause i know for sure that you feel the same as i do
could it be that we could be wrong?
even though we’re feeling so right
i don’t care because i know that i want you tonight
and I know you want me too
where do we go from here my love?
what are we doing baby?
boy you gotta let me know
why can't we live the way we want?
i want the world to know
i just gotta let it show
what do we stand to lose?
If being together is what we choose
oh my love, i think we should talk about us
you see all my life i’ve waited, waited all my life
just to be with someone like you...
~j.lo's talk about us
*sigh* will love work out for chap & me? i guess i'll have to just wait & see...
viernes 7 de junio de 2002 9:48:00 PM
got myself a haircut a while ago. i have short hair again! ye'y. those who have seen my new 'do say i look younger. Ü that's the only good thing that happened today! aside from that, i feel like shit... like ultimate shit! this is definitely not my night. fuck!
jueves 6 de junio de 2002 4:45:00 PM
Ü i already have three songs for chap...
1. you to me are everything (the real thing) - chap was singing this song for me one time when we were inside the car. it was sort of funny the way he did it but still sweet. he would even cup my face in his hands then sing. Ü
2. wifey (next) - i was waiting for him to arrive one night & when he got there, this was the song playing in his car & then he sang it, looked at me, smiled, & then he winked at me. Ü
3. runaway (the corrs) - he sent me a small part of the lyrics of the song via sms just recently. Ü how sweet! Ü
maybe when i reach 15 songs or something, i could make a cd for him or whatever. Ü anyway, chap passed by last night. Ü he was on his way out with his friend, jon but he went here for a while & i gave him this card i bought that's really cute. Ü
Ü talking about star wars...
[ alla ] i'm watching episode 6 nga right now, return of the jedi.
[ chap ] ahh... fave ko yan.
[ alla ] naku, mamamatay na si yoda. fave character ko si yoda.
[ chap ] ahh talaga?
[ alla ] yup, ikaw sino?
[ chap ] ako, fave ko ikaw.
miércoles 5 de junio de 2002 11:47:00 AM
chap passed by my house last night & dropped off a gift. Ü it was so sweet. he just handed me the gift & left. he was with his younger sister & they were in sort of a hurry. anyway, he gave me panties! hahaha. Ü they're the cutest things i've ever seen (because chap gave them to me). it has this pig design in front & a little tail behind. hahaha. Ü it's really cute... i have it in three colors -- black, blue, & white. awww... Ü
i watched 40 days & 40 nights with my best bud, aiza, yesterday. the movie was... uh, full of boobies! yes, breasts! haha. i didn't like it so much. the story was too predictable & it was so... err... sort of teeny-bopperish for someone like josh hartnett. this is just my opinion, of course. i think aiza liked it though. she thought it was funny.
chap's text message yesterday -- Cz i yiayay im folin inluV W/ u.. U knw il nver gna stop folin inluV w/ u.... (violin plays)
hahaha. sweet noh? *kilig* Ü
martes 4 de junio de 2002 10:39:00 AM
good morning world! today, june 4, marks the first month i've known chap. hahaha. Ü pathetic fool! Ü i just woke up & i have a good feeling about this day. Ü hmmm, i changed the look of my guestbook just a little bit. Ü hmm, dontcha just love pastel colors? it makes you feel all warm & cozy inside. Ü both chap & i like pastel colors. he even likes the color pink & so do i. Ü
last night...
[ chap ] what did you do today?
[ alla ] nothing really, just stayed at home.
[ chap ] i was driving the whole day.
[ alla ] you're always driving! that's the only thing you do all day.
[ chap ] you're wrong. i do one more thing.
[ alla ] eat?
[ chap ] (laughs) no. i think of you.
lunes 3 de junio de 2002 8:22:00 PM
new layout! Ü love it? hate it? comments? here. Ü
last saturday was fun but nothing much really happened. Ü the highlight of the night was chap's presence & the fact that my girlfriends & i took a long walk in the rain. haha. Ü we came back to the party soaking like wet leaves. jon (the birthday celebrant) gave us towels & some dry shirts after. haha. Ü chap looked at me like i was crazy after i changed my clothes. so anyway, as the hours ticked by last saturday, chap was just there. i was there. all of a sudden, we were together. he even brought me home. Ü my two girlfriends slept over at my house after the party last saturday. we had fun here at home. haha. Ü now, the three of us are blood sisters! Ü anyway, chap called me up sunday early morning at 5 am because that was the time he got home. i was home by 3 am. we talked for a while about a lot of things. Ü he's really special & i know that the love we share right now can go deeper. Ü
sheesh. i have to stop talking about chap all the time. my life is now revolving around him. erk, i can't wait until school starts. that will keep me busy then i wouldn't have to think about him so much... or maybe i still will. Ü
12:41:00 AM
[ chap ] i really like you & i really want to be with you.
*smiles*
Ü the night with chap last saturday wasn't exactly the night of my life. still, the fact that we were together that night made it extremely wonderful. Ü i can't blog too much right now but i'll probably do it later. i just have to share the story of that night here. Ü anyway, i better catch some sleep now. Ü goodnight world. Ü i'm really happy. Ü
