domingo 30 de enero de 2005 7:09:00 AM beat it ~ michael jackson
i went to duty free with tito mel, lola mommy, & ate andrea yesterday. bought perfume - estee lauder beautiful sheer. nice. today, the whole fam with the balikbayans are going to makati. prolly hear mass & have lunch. tito mel's a blast. absolutely hilarious.
friday night, i went out with a guy friend. i wanted to kiss him goodnight but i didn't. he might actually read this so i'll leave it at that.
i've been reading lord of the flies by william golding & it's odd that i am actually enjoying it. "kill the beast! cut his throat! spill his blood!"
jueves 27 de enero de 2005 7:22:00 PM over & over ~ nelly feat. tim mcgraw
i think about it over & over again
i replay it over & over again
& i can't take it, i can't shake it
i was going through some of my old files & i found a poem i wrote once upon a time. sigh. *depression mode!* i suddenly thought of him. yes, the forbidden him as in chap! pffft. anyway, here's the poem na nga pala.
My True Love
(February 08, 2002)
In another place, in another time,
I know my true love is waiting to be mine.
As another state, as another being,
I know my true love is silently waiting.
His heart is longing, his heart is still
as he waits patiently for destiny's true will.
I feel he's out there, my one true love,
blessed by the heavens & the skies above.
One day we shall meet, our hearts will unite,
& in an instant we'll know that our love is so right.
No circumstance could hinder this destiny foretold
of a love that's forever, one day in my heart, I shall hold.
one day, yes, one day indeed. i still believe in love. i probably always will. damn it! someone kick my ass now, i need to stop being such a sappy fool.
domingo 23 de enero de 2005 9:14:00 PM let's fall in love ~ diana krall
welcome to the twilight zone: i stayed at home the whole weekend! shocker, ain't it? haha. well, i did go to mass & i spent about an hour with my folks at the mall this morning. & that was it. holy guacamole! this is so not healthy. haha. let me explain first - i've been semi-sick the whole weekend plus i checked a gazillion papers & made my lesson plans. damn it. i officially welcome myself to loser-ville now. haha.
i'm falling out of like for mr. dentist now. it really was just slight infatuation. he kept me high for a few days. kilig & all that, it does fade after a while. now, i'm tripping on another boy. he's cute. well, that's the way i remember him anyway. the last time i saw him was, err, i don't even remember anymore. we're meeting up within the week. i'm excited.
my dad just purchased a new mobile phone. i'm jealous. i want a new one too. my sister had her hair rebonded for free. i'm jealous. all i want is a hot oil treatment & i can't even find time to give myself one. i just discovered that this guy friend of mine has hooked up with a really hot girl. i'm jealous. i'd want a hottie (guy) for myself as well. they say jealousy kills. well, i'm not dead yet so would someone just shoot me instead & end my misery? please?
i've lost 5 pounds. i just haven't been eating much lately. & this always happens to me when i'm single. i lose weight when i'm single & being in a relationship makes me fat. whatever. oooh, random chika. i watched the buzz this afternoon & i laughed my ass off with their celebrities-who-look-alike-segment. & this part stood out the most - eric santos looks like roderick paulate. haha. thing is, people have always said that eric looks like jaymore & roderick looks like chap. weird. haha. sino naman kayang artista kamukha ng next boyf ko? i hope he looks like marc nelson. haha.
jueves 20 de enero de 2005 7:14:00 PM georgy porgy ~ eric benet (feat. faith evans)
it's just that i'm an addict for your love
fuck lesson plans. haha. i'm tired. i haven't been getting enough sleep lately. last time i was out was uhm, monday night? damn it. i am sooo looking forward to the weekend. fucking hell, i have so many quizzes, projects, & all that to check & put in my freaking little record book. students, my dear students, submit all your requirements naaa! i want to get this over & done with. being a teacher isn't as easy as it looks.
honestly, i don't think that's really the thing that's bugging up my ass. i just miss this certain someone & it's driving me up the wall. fuck you. oo, ikaw! ikaw nga. gaaah! makagawa na nga lang ng lesson plan. dein mo naman ako naiisip man lang. shit.
martes 18 de enero de 2005 4:06:00 PM the man who sold the world ~ nirvana
i am slightly infatuated with you. yes, you. it's unlikely that you'd get to read this & so, i have the guts to confess what i truly feel here.
you intoxicate me. it's not the way you look nor is it how great your body actually is. there's just something about you i can't quite figure out yet.
i like the way you think, as if we're on the same wavelength most of the time. i like the way you talk, the way we talk. i like the way you make me laugh. i like the brutal honesty we share though it hurts sometimes. & you sing, now that truly impressed me. no kidding.
i know we may never be what i'd really want us to be but the present is enough to make me smile now. i am slightly infatuated with you. i've actually been thinking about you the whole day.
lunes 17 de enero de 2005 7:42:00 PM nobody knows ~ tony rich project
i pretend that i'm glad you went away
these four walls closing in more everyday
& i'm dying inside & nobody knows it but me
i do miss him. reality bites. i miss jaymore but i'd rather not think about him. i'd rather not think about us. it just hurts me so bad to think of all the mean things he said to me. sa dinami-dami ng taong galit s'ken, i had to hear the most fucked up things pa from HIM. he claims na he loves me & yet he thinks so lowly of who i am. how can i be with someone like that?
i went out with mark b. this afternoon. we watched ocean's 12. it's been the longest time since i last saw him. he looks good. & before dropping me off at home, he goes "text mo ko kapag sinagot mo na ako ha." haha. that's just really the way it has always been with mark & me. lagi niya sinasabing sagutin ko na siya when we both know naman na he doesn't mean it. haha. anyway, later, 9-ish, i'm going out with mark d. wala na akong pakielam if i have to check a gazillion papers pa ng students ko. haha. i just need to get out of here.
domingo 16 de enero de 2005 7:41:00 PM crazy for you ~ madonna
suddenly, i have a lot of guy friends again. weird. & i've been thinking about a certain someone since yesterday. even weirder. tomorrow, i'm going out with mark b. we're going to watch ocean's 12. finally. haha. he's picking me up after my proctoring duties for UPIS tomorrow. my students are going to have their third periodic exams. i wish them luck.
i need a new mobile phone. my 5110's a big load of shit. & to think i wasted a thousand bucks just to buy that unit. damn it. anyway, i'm hearing mass with my daddy in a while. believe it or not, i do go to church. haha.
currently singing a song. blah blah. strangers making the most of the dark, two by two their bodies become one. blah blah. touch me once & you'll know it's true. blah blah. you feel it in my kiss, i'm crazy for you. blah blah. slowly now we begin to move, every breath i'm deeper into you, send me to a standing still in time. blah blah. & you know it's true, i'm crazy, crazy for you. sigh. overwhelmed once more.
sábado 15 de enero de 2005 1:56:00 PM dreamlover ~ mariah carey
i need a lover to give me
the kind of love that'll last always
i need somebody uplifting to take me away
forgive me, i just have to rant. random thoughts. currently hating this whole waiting bit. don't want to seem too anxious. snuck out last night. home by 4 this morning. 3 bottles of beer. truth or dare. yummy. got high but not on any illegal substance. humor & my knees went weak. relax alla, he'll miss you soon enough.
sábado 8 de enero de 2005 2:17:00 PM song 2 ~ blur
you can say all the mean things you want but you'll never get to the core of me. you can be the mother fucker that you truly are but you'll never get to the heart of me. you can wish me the worst life possible but you'll never put me down. now, you are nothing. you were almost something but i have killed you in my mind. i have erased you from my being. you are dead to me. you don't matter anymore. goodbye, jaymore.
lunes 3 de enero de 2005 11:58:00 PM running away ~ tunay na amo
after all i gave to you, your love is still untrue
now there's nothing i can do but to run away
officially 21. i don't feel any different. my day wasn't special at all. it was so boring and even a tad bit more wretched than usual. i feel so wrong. i feel so blah. i can't even put it into decent words anymore. darn it. the truth is, i just want to be the one that matters the most to someone. where is my someone? sigh.
domingo 2 de enero de 2005 10:27:00 PM close my eyes ~ jordan knight
i live my days with the nights that we spent, all the love we shared
i've put my heart on the side knowing you're not there
i try to carry on, to face the fact you're gone
but i need you so i close my eyes
i close my eyes & i dream about you
i close my eyes, i can almost feel you in my arms again
almost 21 & i'm alone. not lonely but nonetheless, still alone. i miss someone. i just can't quite figure out who it is. is it him, him, or him? to top it all off, i feel ugly. maybe this is just one of those days. you know, i'm-getting-old-tomorrow-syndrome. anyway, i hope tomorrow's going to be a good day for me. i doubt it though because school starts tomorrow. oh well, whatever.
